Generation X - Plus One

...time no post. Ah well, it's just that I can't be bothered. Any who, I best give up my latest anecdote on Mia. We have, over the course of the last week, been attempting to introduce Mia to the delights of formula milk, so that Suzanne may return to work with her breasts. Unfortunately there has been a nasty side effect. Formula seems to clog Mia's bowel somewhat. So last week we had to wait 3 days for a poo. As many baby owners may have guessed, you have never seen such a mess. And the smell. Suzanne and I were gagging. I can't wait for proper food to work it's way through. Ahem.

Today is Suzanne's birthday, and yet again I've had to deduct the cost of Suzanne's present from Mia out of her future spending money. If Mia keeps spending at this rate she'll have nothing left when she's older.

In other news, well there is none. Mia has not really added to her first (rather ambiguous) word and I've not won any more competitions.

Well, I'm now famous. It's official. I've had one of my pictures published in The Guardian's website. Specifically the football section. I won first prize, by putting Diego Maradona's head onto the Marshmallow man from Ghostbusters along with a football on his hand. I did change the name of the ball to read "cheat", but the picture is a bit small.

See it in it's glory here.

Mia has spoken her first word. Yesterday, while she was just doing a few baby things, sat near Suzanne, she was heard to say, "oogah." Now I'm not sure what this meant, I've not yet looked it up in the dictionary, but I'm sure it's a very clever word, maybe something with a technical meaning. Alternatively, she was badly advised and was trying to copy John Fashanu's catchphrase on Gladiators of, "Awoogah!" What a twat.

The only time in your life when being fat is positively encouraged is when you are a baby. Otherwise you're just a slob who has an extra meal each day that all fat people eat, but deny. So it turns out that Mia is making the most of this, she weighed in at 12lbs 2oz or 5.5kgs. For a nine week old this puts her into the 75th percentile on the weight/age graph. No McDonald's for you Miss Brooke when you're older.

Mia had her first round of immunisations last week, which meant that we've had an unhappy baby for the last few days. Only yesterday did she come close to her normal self. The side effect of the injections is Polio ridden poo for the next few weeks, so I'll have to start washing my hands after I've changed her rather than wipe them on my jeans. Kidding.

Having Mia has made me wonder - at what age, after being sick, do you stop putting your hands in it and wiping it around your face? Are there some backward people out there who at 42 ,still smear puke around themselves or does everyone grow out of it?

I bet this site looked abandoned didn't it. Well I've shooed the tumbleweeds away, dusted it down and given it a shiny new coat of paint. (and posted something.) Mia will be two months old tomorrow and this should go someway to explaining the lack of posts. During this period, I've had 4 weeks off work so I wasn't going to log in to my work computer to post, nor post using our home computer, where this drivel costs upto 4 pence/minute to write. On to the baby then. She sleeps well at the moment, although this is liable to change at any moment according to which book you read. She feeds well, putting on weight and growing at an alarming rate. She has just learned to cartwheel, although only a couple in a row. Maybe a back flip or two could be thrown in during the next few weeks. Mia has also survived a small car crash. Suzanne thought she'd test the strength of my Alfa by tail ending a bloke in a Lexus, while driving her parents and Mia to Mothercare. My car won't be fixed until 7th May.

Mia was weighed today and came in at a whopping 9lbs 10oz. Even fat people must struggle to put this much weight on. This may explain why she is so good when we take her out to lunch -she is too busy thinking about the nice food we've got to cry. (She saves that for when we get home after she's realised there was no pizza/curry/etc for her.)

Right, well here goes with another post. I've discovered that the key to a good nights sleep is to move the baby out of the room I'm sleeping in to one further down the hall. Magic - an unbroken sleep. I actually felt dizzy yesterday I was so tired, but have now recovered today sufficiently to go to the pub after work. Cue dizziness again. It turns out that Mia is the cleverest baby ever to have been. She is able to pick up her own head after just two weeks and has disproved Newtons third law. She also has the knack of being sick just after she's been bathed and shitting her self just after a clean nappy, which then every so often, comes out of the top and soaks through the clean outfit she's just put on. (She can dress her self now. She is always wearing something different from the morning, when I arrive home from work.)

Well, what can I say. Mia has settled into a pattern that involves waking me up several times a night, with various gurgles, snorts and coughs. The sort that make you think she is choking. So each night, I wake up and get Suzanne to check she's ok. She is. She is just making noises in her sleep. I'm tired. You could add grumpy too. I'm praying for a power cut at work, so that when the lights go out I can catch 40 winks without anyone seeing me. And apparently other babies are not as well behaved as Mia!

at work. Boo. Well this blog was about the build up to the birth of Mia, and I feel that has happened now I've had two weeks to get used to the idea. So what now? I could tell every reader to bugger off and read something else as they are no longer wanted, or I could continue with the new baby theme. I'll decide over the next few days. I'm not fishing for encouragement, but I'll carry on if you send cash.

We've had a baby girl, Mia Elise, she weighed in at 7lbs 2oz and was born at 08.08 yesterday morning. Both mother and baby are well.

I arrived 15 minutes late in to the office this morning, to find my colleagues heavily speculating about the birth of my child. So in keeping with keeping everyone on their toes, I thought I'd post this later than usual too. By posting this, it can be deduced that the baby has not arrived. I didn't need to post this to deduce that, I already knew of course. I also have very little to say.

In short, no.

One day overdue is very frustrating. The longer this goes on for, the longer it will take for me to have my two weeks holiday. Sorry, Paternity leave. Why do people ring up and ask if we've had it? - "Yes we had it two weeks ago, but didn't want to tell you." I've had people who I barely know asking me to let them know. Why? The other thing we've had is people telling us when it will be born and telling us that it will be a boy/girl. I wonder at what age the baby becomes less interesting to people?